Love or Fear… There Is Nothing Else

I’ve toyed with this idea for years: every emotion we feel can be traced back to one of two roots—fear or love. Pick any emotion and start peeling it back, and you’ll find yourself standing at the doorstep of one of these two.

Fear or love. That’s it.

Life throws hard things at us. Those hard things stir up emotions we’d rather not feel—the kind that make us sick to our stomachs, paralyze our decisions, or trap us in a constant low hum of anxiety. On the flip side, love cracks the world open. Suddenly colors look brighter, you smile without effort, and your chest warms with those delicious “warm and fuzzies.”

Those are the obvious moments. But what about the in-between times? The Tuesdays where you’re just running errands, answering emails, folding laundry. No big joys, no sharp irritations—just life humming along. Are you living out of fear or out of love then?

Here’s my take: fear and love aren’t constant states. We can absolutely just “be” in neutral space without leaning hard one way or the other. What matters most are the moments when powerful emotions rise up and start steering the ship—when they shape our decisions, our behaviors, our health, and the way we see ourselves. Those are the times to pause, peel back the layers, and ask: Is this fear or is this love?

My own story has been stitched together with both. Tremendous loss, yes. Abundant love, yes. And now, I find myself in what I call the Rebirth stage.

Five years after losing my husband, I decided I was ready to date again. I knew deep down I wanted romantic love in my life, eventually. So, on the advice of friends, I joined a dating site. The responses came quickly, and so did the dates. Dozens of them. All polite, all fine—but not a single one I wanted to see a second time.

After about six months, though, I met someone who seemed different. He was smart, attentive, loved the arts. For the first time, I felt a flicker of hope. Maybe this dating thing wasn’t all doom and gloom after all.

By our third date, he’d brought me flowers. We spent the day hunting for sheet music for an art project I was working on, grabbed dinner at a cozy little restaurant, and wandered around town. He had a flight the next morning but had flown in just to see me. Honestly, it felt promising.

Until it didn’t.

As we talked about “what’s next,” I realized my attraction was real, but not complete. I wasn’t ready to progress further. Still, I tried to stay open and joked about a couple of differences we’d have to work out: I’m not overly touchy-feely, and I’d never shared a bathroom with a partner. (Yes, you read that right—my late husband and I each had our own. It was glorious.)

His response? Dead serious: “I don’t think I could be with someone who wouldn’t share a bathroom with me.”

I laughed, waiting for the punchline. But there wasn’t one. Those two things—hand-holding and bathroom space—were deal breakers for him.

I was irritated. Disappointed. Sad. And honestly, a little mad.

Here’s where the fear/love theory came alive for me. I sat with those feelings and started asking where they came from.

• The anger? Fear that I’d wasted my time, or missed a chance with someone else who had also asked me out.

• The disappointment? Fear that future dates would keep finding me “lacking.”

• The sadness? Fear that I would always be alone.

  
  

Every single one traced back to the same core fear: that I wasn’t enough, and therefore unlovable.

I’ve learned over the years that this is most people’s deepest fear—that they’re not worthy, not enough, and ultimately unlovable. For me, it always seems to circle back to the fear of being alone.

Fear is a construction of the mind. It whispers invisible measurements of our worth, convincing us we fall short. Love, on the other hand, is a gift we rarely feel we deserve but desperately need. And I believe with my whole heart that every single one of us deserves to be fully and undeniably loved for the entirety of our lives.

But here’s the challenge once you realize that everything roots back to love or fear:

1. Face your biggest fear. Know that you can change it if you desire. You are not powerless.

2. Recognize your worthiness of love. Create an energy that allows love in, instead of shutting it out.

3. 
   

This is where the real work begins—examining thought patterns, shifting behaviors, and practicing the energetic changes that invite love and dismantle fear. That’s what I’ll keep unpacking with you, one Yes at a time.

Because love or fear—there really is nothing else.